Deciding who sits on the top table
can be a straight forward matter if both sets of parents
have conventional relationships. However, problems can
arise when there are separations, divorces or tension
between people you would like to include on your top table.
However, by following established tradition, the decision-making
process can be simplified. Traditionally, the wedding
party, who sit at the top table, comprise the bride and
groom, the bride and groom's natural parents, the best
man and chief bridesmaid. Even where the parents are separated,
remarried or divorced, it is still usual for only the
natural parents to sit at the top table. Other family
members, such as step-parents, are not part of the traditional
bridal party but are treated as honoured guests. As honoured
guests, they should be given importance by being seated
on a table close to the top table. Having an honoured
guests' table also solves the problem of where to sit
bridesmaids and ushers. Since these helpers are also honoured
guests, they would join step-parents, and partners of
separated parents, on this special table - although young
bridesmaids and page boys should sit with their parents.
Chief
Bridesmaid |
Groom's
Father |
Bride's
Mother |
Groom |
Bride |
Bride's
Father |
Groom's
Mother |
Best Man |
Should
you decide, for whatever reason, to have a different seating
arrangement to the above, there are a few points worth
mentioning. It is usual for the bride and groom to sit
in the middle of the top table - with the bride seated
to the left of the groom - and for the gender of those
seated to alternate. It is also generally accepted that
the hosts of the wedding, whoever they are, sit at the
top table.
In the case of divorced or separated parents, where you
are unsure of their reaction, the best course of action
is to first ask them what they would like to happen;
- If
the parents of the bride (or groom) are hosting the
wedding, despite their separation, they may be happy
to sit at the top table without their partners thus
avoiding having too many people on the top table.
- If
they have not remarried, or do not have a current
partner, they may be happy to sit alone or be accompanied
by another relative such as a sibling or child.
- If
they have a new partner and the relationship is generally
recognised, they may like to sit with their new partner.
In
the case of parents whose spouse has died, again ask them
what they would prefer to do. They may feel that they
would like some moral support at the top table. If the
bride is being given away by someone other than her father,
that person may be of comfort to the mother of the bride.
Otherwise, perhaps a brother, sister or grown-up child
of the single guest could be included on the table.
You may find that your wishes and those of your parents
and others are similar, or that everyone is happy to go
along with your decisions and the wishes of each other.
If this is the case, find a solution you are all happy
with and go for it. If a simple agreement cannot be found,
it is down to the bride and groom to decide the course
of action they would like to take, and then ask the guests
to comply. It would not be unreasonable to ask those who
have differences to put them aside for just one day!
Always bear in mind that the number of guests on your
top table is, ultimately, a matter for you to decide.
It is possible that there could be twelve or more people
at your top table, if all parents have new partners, or
as few as four if you decide to solve the problems by
sitting at your top table with just the chief bridesmaid
and best man.
There are a variety of ways the bridal party can be arranged
on the top table. Here are a few alternative suggestions:
(alternative
to the traditional seating arrangement):
|
Groom's
Mother |
Bride's
Father |
Chief
Bridesmaid |
Groom |
Bride |
Best Man |
Bride's
Mother |
Groom's
Father |
Bride's
Stepfather |
Chief
Bridesmaid |
Groom's
Father |
Bride's
Mother |
Groom |
Bride |
Bride's
Father |
Groom's
Mother |
Best
Man |
Bride's
Stepmother |
Best
Man |
Groom's
Stepmother |
Groom's
Father |
Bride's
Mother |
Groom |
Bride |
Bride's
Father |
Groom's
Mother |
Groom's
Stepfather |
Chief
Bridesmaid |
Groom's
Step-
mother |
Bride's
Step-
father |
Chief
Bridesmaid |
Groom's
Father |
Bride's
Mother |
Groom |
Bride |
Bride's
Father |
Groom's
Mother |
Bride's
Step-
mother |
Groom's
Step-
father |
Chief
Bridesmaid |
Bride's
Father |
Bride's
Mother |
Groom |
Bride |
Groom's
Father |
Groom's
Mother |
Best Man |
If the above examples do not suit your requirements, use
them as templates to create a seating arrangement suitable
for your particular circumstances.
If, because of second spouses, step-parents
or inter-family friction, your top table seating arrangement
is too complex or impossible to get right, you could consider
an alternative seating arrangement where couples from
the bridal party each host a separate table (preferably
round tables).
TIP! Use the table planner on confetti.co.uk to create your seating arrangements.
|
